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From hiding oneself and creating a sense of apprehension in the other, to exercising a cold, penetrating intellect without seeming to understand how this may make others feel, to wielding status and power as a matter of habit, to avoiding competition and leading others to feel valueless, to being unaware of the impact of great beauty or charisma, to being vague and mystifying and creating confusion — and perhaps other ways I haven’t considered — we can seriously alienate others by intimidating them without even realizing it is happening, blindsided by the unintended consequences of our own actions. We hide important parts of who we are from ourselves, but reveal them to others in our behavior without knowing it....

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We’ve all got our go-to spots that keep luring us back, whether they are funky coffee shops, scenic hiking trails, or relaxing weekend getaway locales. ’ first date question, ask something more specific that will likely get an entertaining story about food and travel, rather than a one-word answer. In which television show’s world would you most want to live? Keep it light and fun and ask about the fictional world your date would most want to explore. This question offers plenty of freedom for him or her to share their dreams and interests with you....